you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
