Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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