just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
