In the future we'll all be gay
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
God, I missed his penis.
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