just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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