i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
