your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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