I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
