There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
