It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
