So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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