The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
