You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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