i need an iv and a liver transplant
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
