OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
