i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
