Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
