Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
