I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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