I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
