How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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