I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
