We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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