Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
