1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
