I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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