omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
