i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
