Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
