Christians are straight up FREAKS
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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