I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
