okay pat passed out under dana's car
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize