I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
