haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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