I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
