i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
