i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
