There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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