dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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