i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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