I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
