Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize