I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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