How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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