I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
