hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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