The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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