I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
