I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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