2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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