like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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