fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
