bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
