sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
