There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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