It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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