Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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