She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
