So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
