i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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