and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
