plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
