Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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