Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
