And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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