I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
