bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
