I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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