you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
