It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
