Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
